My Birth Story
My story isn’t the usual story you’ll read on hypnobirthing pages. It does contain birth trauma but it also contains elements of positivity and it’s real and raw and I am proud of my story. Much love. Lucy x
It was Wednesday evening and I had just stepped out of our local pub when the Hollywood moment happened. I heard a pop and suddenly a huge gush. My waters had broken just like they do in the films. And I couldn’t quite believe just how much water was coming out! Luckily we only lived around the corner so I hobbled home, giddy with excitement and laughing. We got the lift back up to our flat and I noticed a huge puddle of my waters on the floor of the lift (a job for my husband to clean up).
At this point, we were both feeling overexcited but I knew from my hypnobirthing classes that I needed to change my headspace to get myself to a calmer place. I had been having on-and-off false labour for about a week and a half but the moment I felt my waters go the surges increased in intensity and I knew things were really happening this time. I lit some candles and jumped in the bath, playing some of my favourite hypnobirthing tracks to keep myself calm and get my oxytocin flowing.
I tried to get some sleep that evening but by about 11 pm it became obvious that was not going to happen. I left my husband Luke in bed and spent the next 2 hours labouring alone in my living room. I really enjoyed this time, embracing each surge and really connecting with the baby. But by around 1 am things had started to get really intense so I woke Luke up and we laboured together.
I spent the next 24 hours at home but the strange thing is I have hardly any memories of this and it certainly didn’t feel like an entire day went by. I utilised everything I had learnt and used the breathing techniques to help get me into the hypnobirthing headspace. Luke had called the midwives at some point and they arrived in the early hours of Thursday morning. We had a birth pool set up in our lounge but I wanted to use this for the pushing stage rather than labour so I spent a lot of time labouring in the shower.
At around 8 am in the morning I started to struggle with the intensity and told Luke I thought I needed to transfer into hospital to get an epidural as I wasn’t coping. However, one of my incredible midwives knew some massage techniques and managed to calm me down and get my breathing techniques back on track so I was able to labour right through the day and into the evening with no pain relief except the skills I had learnt during my hypnobirthing classes. I can honestly say that apart from the one small wobble I had such a positive experience during this 24 hour period and I’m still in awe of my incredible body and mind at achieving that.
I had initially asked for no vaginal examinations however by Thursday evening my midwives were getting increasingly worried about my progression as it had been well over 24 hours since my waters had gone. My contractions weren’t following the regular pattern and were all over the place, so they had suspicions that my baby was in the back-to-back position. I agreed to an examination and they checked me and I was 4cm dilated. This was definitely a blow as after 24 hours I couldn’t believe I was only just in established labour.
I started using the gas and air at this point but after another 2 hours at home, I was struggling. I couldn’t get myself back into the mindset I was in earlier and I could tell the midwives were getting more and more worried as time went on. At around midnight, I agreed to transfer into hospital as I felt I had hit my limit. The midwives called an ambulance for me. I was deflated. I knew exactly what this meant, this was the start of a cascade of interventions I feared. This was my dream of a homebirth over.
Once I got to the hospital I was put on the syntocinon drip to try and help move things along. I also asked for an epidural at this point, I was exhausted and knew I was at the end of my ability to use my hypnobirthing skills to help me. But my epidural failed. I couldn’t feel my legs but could feel everything from my waist upwards, and the more they tried to top up my epidural and correct it the less feeling I would have in my legs, but it did not seem to be able to make it to the desired area.
Fast forward another 8 hours and my baby was struggling with the syntocinon drip and his heart rate was dropping. At this point I had made it to 9cm dilated so they turned off the drip and allowed my labour to continue without any more intervention. A few hours later the doctors came round to check on me and I was still at 9cm. The doctor confirmed my baby was back to back and this was likely the reason for the slow progression of labour as the front of the head doesn’t put as much pressure on the cervix as the back on the head does. It was around 11am Friday morning at this point and the doctors informed me they were worried about the baby and wanted me to go in for an emergency C Section. I was terrified at this point, I hadn’t planned for a C-Section and didn’t know much about them at all. But after 36 hours of labour and with the doctors concern I decided to go ahead with the C-Section. They did one last vaginal examination once they took me down to theatre as if I had managed to get to 10cm they would have paused the C-Section but I was still stuck at 9cm.
Bodhi Jules Ayling was born at 11.40am on Friday 17th March at a whopping 10.2lbs. No one saw that coming and even as they pulled him out all the doctors were gasping saying how big he was! He was absolutely perfect. I forgot about everything. I had my baby and I was on cloud 9.
However quite early after his birth the midwives noticed he was breathing very fast, we had a midwife coming to check his breathing rate every 15 minutes after this. The next few hours are a blur, in hindsight, it should have been obvious that something was wrong but I was blissfully unaware of the midwives concern. Maybe it was the hormones or the exhaustion or the love bubble I was in. However to my shock a few hours later they sent a NICU doctor down to take Bodhi for an X-ray. I sent Luke with them and was left alone, shocked, confused and wondering what had happened.
The X-ray confirmed that Bodhi had a pneumothorax which I believe is a pocket of air stuck between the lungs and the chest cavity. This was causing his breathing difficulties. They wanted to get Bodhi into NICU straight away and give him oxygen. The next 5 days were the hardest days of my life. For any parents who have had a NICU experience, you’ll know what I’m talking about and for anyone who hasn’t, I truly hope you never will. There’s nothing more unnatural than being separated from your baby, luckily I was allowed to stay in the hospital for the duration of Bodhi’s stay and whilst they had him on fluids for the first 24 hours I was allowed to start breastfeeding after 24 hours. Bodhi made a full recovery after 5 days and he has no further complications. The doctors still can’t confirm exactly what caused the pneumothorax but it is likely it was a complication from the C-Section.
I didn’t get my ‘perfect’ birth that I had dreamed of, I didn’t end up following my birth plan but I made positive decisions, remained calm & used every ounce of strength I had. It’s taken a lot of unpacking me for to accept my birth and the days that followed after. The first 24 hours at home were a truly positive experience and I wholeheartedly believe that hypnobirthing was the reason for this. Until things went wrong my labour was everything I had hoped for. I didn’t plan for this birth, but I was ready for this birth and I am proud of this birth.